The Transit Van

(G)Margaret Thatcher talkin (C)on T(G)V,

looks so sincere as she (D)says to (G)me, -G

There'd (G)be no unem(C)ployment (G)if,

you all used a bit of i(D)nitia(G)tive -G

I was (Em)on the dole I was (C)broken bored

Says (G)I, I'd take her (C)at her (G)word

Got a (Em)loan from the credit (C)union man, -C

And (G)bought meself a (D)transit (G)van.

Me (G)next step up the (C)ladder (G)now,

I bought meself an (D)auld fat (G)sow, -G

(G)Cross the border quite (C)legal(G)ly?,

Collected a common market (D)subsi(G)dy, -G

Signed (Em)all the forms, handed (C)back the pen.

(G)Smuggled the sow back (C)home a(G)gain,

Ten (Em)times a day I (C)worked this plan, -C

Me(G)self, and the sow, and the (D)transit (G)van,

(G)Travel sickness the (C)sow picked (G)up,

Says I, it's time to di(D)versi(G)fy, -G

Took (G)all me money from the (C)biscuit (G)tin,

Filled the van to the roof with (D)whiskey and (G)gin, -G

A(Em)round the South me (C)wares I'd sell,

In (G)public houses (C)and ho(G)tels,

There was(Em)never a guard nor a (C)customs man, -C

Put his (G)nose inside the (D)transit (G)van,

At (G)festivals and (C)fleadhs and (G)fairs,

If the craic was good you'd (D)find me (G)there, -G

At (G)all big matches (C)in Croke (G)Park,

And I danced with Springstein (D)in the (G)dark, -G

I (Em)fought with the tinkers in (C)Ballinasloe,

I (G)danced on streets a(C)round Lis(G)towell,

(Em)Mothers had their (C)daughters warned, -C

Stay (G)well away from the (D)transit (G)van,

It (G)being Lent and the (C)drink trade (G)slow

I took to carrying (D)vide(G)o -G

While (G)on the road to (C)Bally(G)bay

Found a customs roadblock (D)in me (G)way -G

To (Em)face the border I (C)got her turned,

The (G)engine roared and the (C)tires (G)burned,

(Em)Five patrol cars (C)fully-manned,-C

Were in (G)hot pursuit of the (D)transit (G)van

(G)Through Clontbrit (C)I did (G)go,

I was heading for the (D)county Ma(G)yo, -G

(G)Round the corner I (C)hit a (G)dog,

Went over the ditch landed (D)in the (G)bog, -G

I (Em)sat on a bank watched (C)all I owned,

Sinkin (G)in a bog hole (C)like a (G)stone,

She was (Em)lying on the roof with the (C)wheels still turning, -C

And the (G)stereo playing (D)Daniel O'(G)Donnell.

(G)Now I'm back where I (C)first be(G)gan,

No job, no money, but (D)I've a (G)plan, -G

There's a (G)girl down in (C)Mullin(G)gar,

She can hold me future (D)in her (G)hand, -G

She doesn't look like a film star
but she's been telling me about her dad.
He has no property or land
but he has two sows and a transit van.

The Queen of England drives a RollsRoyce car,
her son Charly has a Ja-gu-ar.
But when the Pope came to I-re-land
- like meself -
he drove around in a transit van!