[G]Oh I want to tell you of a friend of mine she's[C] always[D] ill
[G]Always thought she[Em] had a sort of[C] serio[D]us
com[G]plaint
What[G]ever the remedy was she always took a[D] dose
For to[G] cure her ills she[Em] bought some pills
and[C] bought them[D] by the[G] gross
[G]And she wore a belt when[Em]ever she felt
A[C] pain in her did-n-dy[D] push
A[G] comical vest to[Em] save her
chest
From[C] common cold[D] or the[G] cush
She[G] drank quinine and spirits and wine
To cure the pip-i-dy[D] pop
Till[G]
she became a[Em] what's her name
A[C] travelling[D] doctor's[G] shop
She thought she had the measles and the stankers and the aches
And varicose veins and arteries' lanes and sure there's
no mistake
Shivers and shakes and pains and aches from her head down to her toes
And a multitude of handkerchiefs to
stop her runny nose
Well she had a face which was a disgrace to humanity that's for sure
And a big long nose which I suppose just seemed
to grow and grow
Little beady eyes I tell no lies the ugliest woman I've seen
You think that's bad or maybe sad a nightmare
not a dream
And she used to wear a nose machine whenever she went to bed
Tied herself to the window frame in case they'd find
her dead
A foreign influenz-ia would scare her heart to death
She greased her hair and tinned some air for what we don't
know yet
